BECOMING A GOOD LISTENER IV
Lenten Observations - 2012
by Gregory Talipson
a.k.a. "Snark"
Covering 106 acres and weighing in at an estimated 6,600 tons, a stand of Aspen trees in Utah is regarded as the largest organism in the world. What appears to be an enormous grove of Aspens is actually one single organism! What appear to be individual Aspen trunks, are actually stems growing out of an immense root system that interconnects each Aspen tree with all the others. Genetically, each Aspen in this stand is identical with all the rest.
Wow! Think about that for a moment. So interconnected are these apparently individual Aspen trees, that each one nourishes all the others. The health of one impacts the health of all . . . and vice versa. Their root system is a splendid example of what quantum physicists call entanglement.
Quantum Physics shows us a world that is truly amazing, baffling, mysterious . . . and seemingly impossible. As bizarre as it all seems, we know that it shows us a picture of reality that is accurate; for we would not have our cell phones, our computers, or nuclear energy if we did not have a working knowledge of the world that quantum physics describes.
One of quantum physics' more interesting findings is that, at the most basic level of atoms and all the exotic particles that are smaller than atoms . . . at the most basic levels imaginable . . . there is no subject and object . . . no separation . . . no separate me and you . . . no either/or. At the most basic level of reality every single thing is entangled with everything else. This entanglement means that, among other things, we are all connected with one another . . . instead of a separate you and a separate me there is a connected we . . . ours is not a world of either/or. It is a world of both/and.
"Good grief, Snark!" you might be thinking. "We were looking for something about Lent and becoming better listeners. Instead you begin as Ranger Rick, and you're now trying to do an imitation . . . poorly we think . . . of Neil Degrasse Tyson! What gives? Focus, man! Focus!"
Okay. A famous hymn, based on some letters of St. Paul, proclaims this same truth:
"In Christ there is no east or west;
in him no south or north;
but one great fellowship of love
throughout the whole wide earth!"
"Alright. You're veering back toward Lent. Maybe. But what does this have to do with our becoming better listeners?"
Geeze, you guys are tough. Okay, here's how all this relates. You and your conversation partner, the one you're trying to really listen to, are both entangled with one another already. There is more of a connection between you than meets the eye. In spite of everything else to the contrary, you and your partner are fundamentally entangled with one another. And like the entangled Aspen trees, what happens within either of you will wind up impacting both of you. How you regard your conversation partner is hugely important!
Psychologists use the phrase "holding environment" to refer to how one person regards another . . . the stance they take toward another. It may involve physical holding, but it certainly doesn't have to and perhaps more often than not it doesn't. Let me ask you: did you ever meet someone who seemed to regard or "hold" you in such a way that you were motivated to be the best you that you could be . . . someone who loved you in a way that was welcoming, non-judgmental, and kind . . . who saw the real you and clearly loved what they saw?
If so, you know the experience of being blessed! If you are fortunate, you had parents who were this way. Maybe it was a grandparent. Perhaps it was a favorite teacher, or coach, or some other adult.
Whoever it was, when you were around them, you probably felt important to them . . . you knew they believed in you . . . that they saw something good - or even wonderful -- in you that maybe no one else had seen: perhaps not even yourself!
When we have been regarded in this way . . . when we have thereby been well-held . . . we can more easily live into that wonderful part of us that was seen by the one who has held us.
From a theological perspective, God holds us, regards us as creatures who share God's nature, and loves us . . perhaps with a special intensity when we do not yet know that astounding truth about who we are. The popular paintings portraying Jesus as the Good Shepherd show him holding a lamb in his arms. In his book of prayers titled Guerillas of Grace, retired United Methodist pastor Ted Loder pens a prayer called "I Am So Thankful To Be Alive." His prayer speaks of God holding us. Below are the prayer's beginning and concluding verses.
"Persistent Friend, Insistent Enemy,
from whom no secret is hid (and none need be),
out of the thoughts and feelings which whirl within,
I grope for language to carry to you my secrets
and all the wonders that seize my heart.
Praise be to you
for holding me in the womb of mystery
through all the eons of creation until now
and raising me to life
in this time and place.
****
I am so thankful to be alive,
O Persistent Friend, Insistent Enemy;
hold me always in the womb of mystery
and raise me again and again, forever,
to life,
and to love,
and to the claims of your kingdom."
One of the claims the Kingdom makes upon us is that we love others as we ourselves have been loved. That is the Great Commandment. This means it is our turn to be the one who holds others as we ourselves have been held. If we can consciously realize that every person whom we meet is, like us, in need of such holding . . . and if we can remember that God holds them as certainly as God holds us . . . if we can open our minds and hearts to that, then we will be able to hold our conversation partner in such a way that . . . entangled as we already are . . . they will feel blessed! They will have been held by our listening which is now caring, attentive, and open-hearted.
When that happens, conversation moves toward communion . . . a communion between our conversation partners and ourselves . . . and between us and God who, invited or not, is the Silent Partner holding every conversation.
Aspen trees . . .quantum entanglement . . . Jesus, the Good Shepherd. Disparate images to be sure. Yet all are entangled. As are you and I.
Until later, be well!
Snark
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